我要开的这家店叫拉家拿铁 ... opening called Latte Larry's.
拉家拿铁
为什么我要涉足咖啡行业？ Why am I getting into the coffee game?
因为我去过隔壁这家咖啡店 Because I went to this coffee shop next door,
拉家拿铁
店老板是个十足的浑蛋 and the guy was such a jerk
我意识到我必须得做点什么 that I felt like I had to do something,
现在 你猜咋的？ and now, you know what?
我开了一家敌对店 I got me a little spite store.
说来 我们店里惊喜多多 你肯定会非常喜欢 Tremendous things in here, by the way. You're gonna love it.
瞧瞧这个 衣帽架 Look at this. Coat rack.
衣帽架
你在其他店见过这个吗？ You ever see that anywhere?
桌子 不会摇 Tables, they don't wobble.
不会摇的桌子
还有自动加热的咖啡杯 And self‐heating coffee cups.
自动加热的咖啡杯
能让咖啡保持热度长达两小时 Keeps coffee hot for two hours.
看这块牌子写的 本店禁止大便 Check out that sign. This is a defecation‐free store.
不准大便
这样的规矩你真是梦寐以求 That's the kind of feature you dream about.
不准大便
No defecating!
要尿尿的人...欢迎你来 Urinators... welcome.
如果你是大便之人 But if you are a defecator,
或者未来几小时有大便的打算 or planning on defecating anytime soon,
你快别来这儿了 这儿不是你该来的地方 don't come down here. This is not your place.
待在家吧 或者去隔壁 Stay home. Go next door.
总之 欢迎来拉家拿铁 So come on down to Latte Larry's
将这份敌对与我共饮 and have a hot cup of spite with me!
你简直不敢相信这里有多好 You're not gonna believe what's going on in here.
你会感到非常惊喜 You'll be very impressed.
来光顾吧！ Come on!
英语字幕来源：opensubtitles.org 字幕翻译与制作：610/小年糕/白羽黑鹭/Yiran/moki
消消气
拉里 刚才是我这辈子里有过的 Larry, that is the most amazing urinary experience
- 最好的尿尿经历 - 那个尿池咋样？ - I've ever had in my life. - How about the tray?
每一滴都接住了 真的是每一滴 感谢你 It caught every drop, every single drop. Thank you.
每一滴呢 Every drop.
- 得 一切顺利 - 哇哦 老哥 - Well, it's all working. - Wow, man.
是吧 咖啡豆的事你算说对了 Huh? You were right about the beans.
嘿 去参加米基的婚礼 Hey, going to Mickey's wedding,
是我们做过的最棒的事 it's the greatest thing we ever did.
你知道我在想什么吗？ You know what I'm thinking?
我在想 你需要一个头衔 I'm thinking, you need a title.
- 我的确需要一个他妈的头衔 - 你知道 比如咖啡豆部门 - I need a fuckin' title. - You know, like assistant manager,
- 副经理 - 这个怎么样？咖啡豆工匠 ‐ in charge of beans. ‐ How about this one? Bean cobbler.
- 咖啡豆特师 - 我喜欢咖啡豆特师 - Beanmeister. - I like bean‐meister.
- 我去用用那个小便池 - 你去瞧瞧吧 - I'm gonna go use the pee cube. - Peek your head in there.
你看看是不是我说的对？ See what I'm saying?
这一整天下来 从他开门之后 顾客源源不断 All day long, ever since he opened, in and out.
我们这儿客人就明显稀少了 And it's a little light around here today.
- 我们该怎么办呢？ - 我觉得最好是你过去 - What do we do? - It would be great if you could go over there
- 然后看看那边是个什么氛围 - 为啥你不去？ - and just sort of check out the vibe. - Why don't you go?
- 我被禁止进入了 - 你被禁止了？ - I'm banned. - You're banned?
是 还有我妈也是 And, yeah. And my mother.
你敢相信吗？我妈那种大好人 Do you believe it? Who's a saint, by the way.
- 你妈也被禁了？ - 是的 就 你懂的 ‐ Your mom's banned? ‐ Yeah, yeah. Just, you know,
去买杯咖啡然后回来 get a cup of coffee and come back.
好吧 Okay.
哦 嘿 呃 Oh, hey. Uh,
- 这桌子有点摇 - 嗯 你用脚压在上面就好了 像这样 - a little wobbly. - Yeah, you just put your foot on it, like that.
- 不是什么大问题 没事的 谢了 - 嗯嗯 - It's not a big deal. All right, thanks. - All right.
啊哈 嘿！瞧瞧谁来了 Aha, hey! Look who's here.
嗨 这东西是你出于私心增加的吧 Hi. Is this for your benefit?
以防有人想要和我握手 In case there's any handshaking to be done,
我能知道那是干净的 I know I'm safe.
- 你挤点儿试试呗 - 你怎么做到的？ - Have a little squirt. - How'd you do this?
- 不会摇 - 天 这可真稳固 - No wobble. - Boy, that's solid.
你懂 你下定决心做一件事儿 就能把它做好 特德 You know, when you want to do something bad enough, you get it done, Ted.
嘿 给丹森先生来杯咖啡怎么样？ Hey. How about a cup of coffee for Mr. Danson?
非常感谢 Thank you very much.
当我请你了 On the house.
哦 你人真好 嗯 Oh, that's very sweet of you. Yeah.
- 咖啡味 - 是 - Coffee. - Yeah.
记得告诉摩卡乔 Make sure to tell Mocha Joe
这里的各种高端设计 about all the amenities that we have here.
我想他会喜欢的 I think he'd enjoy that.
哦对了 我知道你把我当哥们 那么 Oh, hey. I know how, you know, fond you are of me, so,
我告诉你个好消息 你听了也高兴 I share this to make you happy.
我今晚会和谢丽儿去约会 I'm going out with Cheryl tonight.
- 我想着你肯定想知道 - 哦 - Thought you might want to know. - Oh.
- 感谢你通知我 - 咱俩谁跟谁 - Thanks for keeping me in the loop. - You bet.
- 估计很有趣 - 她是个有趣的女子 - Should be fun. - She's a fun gal.
不得不说 你知道 他的确找到了门道 Gotta say, you know, he's doing some interesting things.
你什么意思？ What do you mean?
狗娘养的！ Son of a bitch!
- 这味道真好 他找到咖啡豆了 - 是啊 - That's good. He's got the beans. - Yeah.
真好喝 我不知道他怎么做到的 It's good. I don't know how he did it.
- 不 这杯是... - 我知道 但我需要再尝一口 ‐ No, this is... ‐ Yeah, but I gotta taste it again.
哇哦 哇哦 你自己去买一杯 Whoa, whoa. Get your own.
啊！ Aah!
我一紧张 把手机扔了 然后就开车跑掉了 I was nervous. I threw the phone, and I took off.
我当时灵魂深处一阵惊慌 I had, like, this total beep panic.
因为你只想赶快逃离后面那人 'Cause you just want to get away from, from the other person.
- 太丢人了 是 - 非常尴尬 - It's humiliating. Yeah, it is. - It's embarrassing.
你再也不想见到这个人 'Cause you never wanna see this person again.
- 对吧？ - 像是你被抓包做了什么坏事儿一样 - Right? - It's almost like you're, like, caught doing something.
你知道 我一慌 就把手机扔到窗外了 You know, once I panicked, I threw my phone out the window.
- 那你咋办 - 我只好下车把手机捡回来 - What'd you do? - I had to get out of the car and get the phone.
- 那你看到那个人了吗？ - 当然看到了 - Did you see the guy? - Of course I saw the guy.
- 他怎么说 - 他就按喇叭 我在下车 - What did he say? - He beeped, he was beeping
他就在我下车过程中一直按喇叭 as I was, as I was getting out of the car.
- 你车拉手刹了吧 - 是 当然了 - You put it in park. - Yeah, of course I put it in park.
嗯 我不清楚嘛 也许你当时情绪上头了 Well, I don't know. If you're so upset, who knows.
顺便一说 你想象一下 假如你车子还启动着 By the way, think about that, you leave it in drive,
- 你当时脑子是昏的 - 对 我就这意思 ‐ you're just so overwhelmed... ‐ Right. That's what I mean.
很容易发生的 你下车了 然后你车自个儿开出去了 ...so easy, get out of your car and your car is rolling down the street.
- 那就出大事儿了 - 假设他没有拉手刹哈 - Turn into a whole thing. - Let's say he didn't put it in park.
然后车开出去 撞到了一个婴儿车 Maybe the car goes through the light and hits a stroller.
- 该谁负责任？我就这么假设一下... - 也就是说我杀死了一个婴儿？ - Who's responsible? I'm just saying... - Oh, so I killed a baby?
- 他是有可能的 - 我有可能杀死一个婴儿？ - He could have. - I killed a baby?
- 天 那我就会因为过失杀人被抓起来吧 - 是的 - There, you're arrested for manslaughter. - That's right.
- 就因为在用手机打字 - 是啊 - All because you were texting. - That's right.
结果造成一个婴儿的死亡 And now you killed a child.
在那之后 你要怎么面对自己的人生？ And now, how do you live with that?
或者你可以这么想 这个婴儿长大了是未来的希特勒 Or you can go this way. This baby was the Hitler of the future.
别 你听我说 我赞赏你的想象力 但我们讨论的 No. Listen to me. I love the imagination, but it was a real story
是真情实感的真人真事 别搞科幻 with real people. It didn't need sci‐fi.
- 是啊 你干嘛往里添加科幻元素啊 - 你为什么要... - Yeah, what are you throwing sci‐fi in there? - Why are you making...
你没抓住我们讨论的精髓 You're missing the whole point.
我们点的餐呢？难以置信 Where's our food? This is unbelievable.
- 是啊 她人呢？我还饿着呢 - 我饿死了 - Yeah. Where is she? I'm still hungry. - I'm starving.
尽管死了个婴儿 但我还是想吃饭 Even though the baby's dead, I still wanna eat.
顺便一说 苏西要出城去 By the way, Susie's going out of town.
那我就在想...高尔夫之旅 So I was thinking... golf trip.
我很少有这种机会 It's rare for me to have this opportunity.
我们去圆石滩吧 Let's go to Pebble Beach.
- 哇哦 - 有趣 - Wow. - Fun.
- 好主意 - 我支持 支持 - Fantastic idea. - I love that. I love that.
- 圆石滩 - 我们三缺一 找谁？ - Pebble Beach. - Who's our fourth?
- 路易斯 - 路易斯？ - Lewis. - Lewis?
如果他能从排练戏剧的日程中抽出时间 If he can take a break from his rehearsals.
是 我觉得 他也许就没办法来 Yeah. I mean, he might not even be able to do it.
他在演《献给阿尔吉侬的花束》 He's doing Flowers for Algernon.
- 查理 - 查理！克里夫罗宾逊 ‐ Charlie. ‐ Charlie! Cliff Robertson played him...
- 在电影版里演的角色 - 我记得我读过那本书 - in the movie. - I remember I read the book.
是 现在在一家小剧院排剧 Yeah, in a small theater.
- 他为啥接那个角色？ - 因为... - Why's he doing that? - Because,
你知道为啥吗？我来告诉你为啥 you know why? I'm gonna tell you why.
我的很多客户都这么做 Many of my clients do this.
他们觉得除非他们可以扮演一个 They feel that unless they can play
- 精神有问题的角色... - 嗯 - a mentally challenged person... - Yeah.
否则他们配不上演员这个称谓 ...that they're not, uh, worthy as an actor.
没人想看他演那样的角色 No one wants to see him do that.
我觉得你想法是错的 I think that's where you're wrong.
- 我就想看 - 那我们一起去吗？ - I do. - Are we going together?
- 我真的想看 - 一起吗？ - I do. Yeah. - Are we going together?
我每场都去看 I'm going to every performance.
- 我会去的 - 好的 - I'll be there. - Yeah.
- 哦 伙计 这看起来真不错 - 天 我真是饿惨了 - Oh. Boy, that looks great. - God, I'm hungry!
- 我应该点鸡肉的 看起来好棒 - 是的 - I should've got the chicken. It looks terrific. - Oh, yeah.
- 我给你分一些 - 那看起来好好吃 - I'll give you a piece. - That looks terrific.
- 嗯 闻起来也好香 - 再次为上菜这么迟道歉 - Oh, it smells great. - I'm so sorry again for the delay.
我在腹泻 所以... I have diarrhea, so...
我一会儿会再回来 I'm gonna come right back in a little bit
看看你们有什么需求 好吗？ and check on you, okay?
正在腹泻还是腹泻过？ Having or had?
我比较确定我听到的是"在腹泻" I'm pretty sure she said "have."
所以她正在那个过程中 So she's in the throes of it.
我直接回家吧 I'm gonna go home.
我去宝马车店一趟 I'm gonna go to the BMW dealer.
拿点甘草糖 他们那儿的甘草糖 Get some licorice. They got the most fantastic licorice
是我这辈子吃过最好吃的 I've ever had in my life.
我假装我的车出了什么问题 I pretend there's something wrong with my car,
然后去抓一大把甘草糖 and then I grab a ton of it.
又出问题了 车灯 你懂吧 Happened again. The lights, you know,
就那唔唔... it all...
大卫先生 Mr. David.
你又回来了 You're back again.
嘿 吃了没 Hey. How ya doin'?
我吃了 你呢？你的车 I'm doing all right. How are you? You run into
这次又出问题了？ another problem with the car?
- 是的 - 你开玩笑吧？ - 没有 - Yeah. - You're kidding? - I'm not kidding.
这得是你这个月第三次来了吧 This is like the third time this month.
-啥情况啊？ - 那个...通风口 - What's going on? - The, uh, the vents.
冷气出来的时候 会有一种像吹口哨的声音 The air comes out and makes a bit of a whistling sound.
哦 Oh.
- 车在吹口哨 - 是的 是的 - The car is whistling. - Yeah. Yeah.
- 挺烦人的 我给你这么说吧 - 好吧 - It's annoying. I can tell you that. - Yeah.
上次你来这儿 没有口哨声的问题 The last time you were here, you didn't have the whistle.
你说故障指示灯会闪 You had the check engine light that was blinking.
- 是的 - 但我们又没看到它再闪了 - Yeah. - But we couldn't replicate the blink.
- 是吗 - 这是这个月的 - Is that so? - This is the third
第三次还是第四次的吧 对吗？ or fourth time this month, right?
上次是说方向盘有问题 The time before was something with the steering,
- 方向盘有往里面的拉力？ - 嗯 方向盘在拉我 - it was pulling? - Steering was pulling, yeah.
顺便问一句 By the way,
这个甘草糖在哪儿买的？ where do you get that licorice?
- 甘草糖？ - 嗯 - The licorice? - Yeah.
我不知道 巴伐利亚州吧 I don't know. Maybe Bavaria.
- 巴伐利亚？ - 我到时候去搜一下 - Bavaria? - I will find out
- 这个甘草糖在哪儿买的 - 嗯 - where the licorice comes from. - Yeah.
同时也希望我们能搞清楚 And hopefully we will figure out
- 你的车有什么问题 - 希望如此 - what the problem is with your car, too. - I hope so.
我有点厌倦每天往这儿跑了 I'm getting a little tired of coming in here all the time,
- 你知道吧 - 嗯 看出来了 - you know? - Yeah. I see that.
我看看我们能做什么吧 好吗？ I will see what we can do. All right?
你不能…1.3美元一杯？ You can't... $1.30 a cup?
这样搞我们半毛钱也赚不了 We're not gonna make any money doing that.
- 我还能咋办？- 摆点儿衣帽架！ - What choice do I have? - Put in some coat racks!
- 不可能！这是南加州！ - 就摆一个！ - No way! It's Southern California! - One coat rack!
- 我们不需要衣帽架！ - 行吧 那至少把你家司康饼做好 乔！ - We don't need a coat rack! - All right, then at least fix your scones, Joe!
你狼吞虎咽得跟有上顿没下顿一样！ You eat them like they're going out of style!
哥几个 嘿 哥几个 Guys. Hey, guys.
别闹了 吵到我家顾客了 Keep it down. You're disturbing the customers.
- 那饼太潮了！- 你之前对司康饼从来就没意见 - They're too moist. - You never had a problem with the scones before.
- 那饼太潮了！- 你之前对司康饼从来就没意见 - They're too moist. - You never had a problem with them before.
请进 请进 Come in, come in.
享受低价吧 Enjoy the low prices.
嘿 您喝过乔家摩卡吗？ Hey, have you tried Mocha Joe's?
嘿 认识我吗？特德丹森？ Hey, you remember me? Ted Danson?
《干杯酒吧》看过没？ Cheers?
《贝克尔》看过没？《干杯酒吧》呢？有人…你认识我吗？ Becker? Cheers? Any... You remember me?
傻逼桌子 Fuckin' tables.
嘿 冷静 哥们儿 Hey. Come on, buddy.
- 让我冷静？ - 你得放轻松 - Come on, what? - You gotta relax.
咋放轻松？降到1.1刀了啊 丹森先生 Relax what? $1.10 a cup, Mr. Danson.
我说 讲真 谁还笑得出来啊？ I mean, really. Who are we kidding here?
你可是投了钱的！ You got money invested in this thing!
乔 我担心你 认真的 Joe, I'm worried about you. I'm serious.
这样 去打打高尔夫吧 Look, play some golf, you know?
- 做个按摩 看场电影 - 我还能去看电影？ - Get a massage. Go to the movies. - How can I go to the movies?
- 我得开店啊 - 好 我跟你讲 - I'm running a business here. - Okay, I'll tell you what.
我借你一些我的评委碟 I'm gonna lend you some of my screeners.
- 什么是评委碟？- 呃 - What are screeners? - Um,
就是所有最新电影的 DVD they're DVDs of all the latest movies
奥斯卡学院发给我们让我们投票 the Academy gives us so we can vote.
就是那个 不过 你得还给我 The thing is, though, you gotta give 'em back to me,
因为上面还有水印什么的 'cause they're all watermarked or something.
- 我会惹上麻烦的 - 你也太好了吧 - I could get into trouble. - That's really nice of you.
我真的很感谢 丹森先生 I really appreciate it, Mr. Danson.
我妈也会很喜欢的 My mom would like that, too.
我给你来杯咖啡吧？ Can I get you a cup of coffee?
这儿的吗？不用了 我很好 From here? No, I'm good.
♪光明节 哦光明节 ♪ ♪ Hanukkah, Oh Hanukkah ♪
♪ 来点亮烛台 ♪ ♪ Come light the menorah ♪
♪ 让我们聚集 ♪ ♪ We'll have a party ♪
♪ 跳起霍拉舞 ♪ ♪ We'll all dance the hora ♪
♪ 光明节 ♪ ♪ Hanukkah! ♪
♪ 爱上光明节 ♪ ♪ Lovin' the Hanukkah ♪
♪ 呀哒哒 哒哒哒 哒哒哒 哒哒哒 ♪ ♪ Yadada dadada, dadada, dadada ♪
哈！ Ha!
嗯 Mm.
祝你会有个超棒的旅行 You have a wonderful trip.
你他妈现在开心个什么呢？ What the fuck are you so happy about right now?
没啥 Nothing.
把包放回去 我不去了 Bags back in the car. I'm not going.
- 啥玩意儿？- 把包放回去 - What are you talking about? - Bags back in the car.
- 回家 - 啊？ - Take me home. - What?
我也不知道我还能撑多久了妈 我把价都腰斩了 I don't know how much longer I can do it, Ma. I'm slashing prices,
但每一次 只要我降 他就降 but every time I make them lower, he lowers his!
嘿 你得放轻松 宝贝儿 Listen, you've gotta relax, sweetheart.
你得放松 这样吧 You have to. You know what?
我们看看这些特德丹森给 Let's watch one of those movies
我们的片子吧 《绿皮书》 that Ted Danson gave us. The Green Book.
讲的是亚瑟大街出来的一个小伙儿 It's about a guy from Arthur Avenue.
- 我不懂 我不知道这些 - 很好看的 - I don't, I don't know anything about it. - Very good.
从亚瑟大街开始 It starts at Arthur Avenue.
止于亚瑟大街 It ends at Arthur Avenue.
非常棒的一个故事 Very good story.
- 过来 坐我身边 - 给你 你可以读一下 - Come on. Sit next to me. - Here you go. You can read
- 还有点儿别的 - 坐我旁边 - a little more about it. - Sit next to me.
不 我不想读那些 No, I don't want to read.
我想和你一起看电影 I want to see the movie with you.
这是部非常棒的电影 是那种… It's a terrific movie, sort of a nicer...
《好家伙》那种 但比它还好看 Goodfellas kind of thing, but nicer than that.
噢 丹森先生也真是好 把这些都给我们看 Oh, that Mr. Danson, he was really nice the way he gave us those.
- 怎么了？- 等一下 - What? - Hold on a second.
- 怎么了？- 我打个电话 - What? - I gotta make a call.
- 现在？- 别出声！我得给拉里大卫打个电话 行吗 - Now? - Be quiet. I gotta call Larry David. Okay.
你干嘛呢？我是摩卡乔啊 How you doing? It's Mocha Joe.
真是疯了 This is crazy.
这儿跟桑拿房似的 It's like a sweat lodge in here.
来这儿…谁的主意？ This is... Whose idea was this?
为什么我们要在这儿吃饭啊？ Why are we even eating here?
因为我们要避开楼上的女服务员啊 'Cause we're trying to avoid that waitress upstairs.
这是她原话 "我在腹泻 我真…" She literally said, "I have diarrhea. I'm so..."
- 她真说过？ - 真的 她说了 - She actually said it? - No, no, she said it.
行了行了 别聊她了 All right, let's stop talking about her.
我快热疯了 This heat's making me nuts.
你不热吗？脱了吧 Aren't you hot? Take that thing off.
我不能脱 因为我没有 I can't take it off, because I don't,
我没穿带领的衬衫 I don't have a collared shirt,
你也知道那样的话 高桥会 不让我来 and then Takahashi will, you know, suspend me.
真是又精英又扯淡的规定 It's so elitist and such bullshit.
嘿 听着 摩卡乔给我打电话了 Hey, get this. Mocha Joe called me.
说想聚一下 Wants to get together.
我觉得他崩了 I think he's crackin'.
- 真的？ - 他崩溃了！ - Really? - He's crackin'!
- 是啊 - 你把他整崩了 - Yeah. - You got him to crack.
他说 我们聊聊吧 He said, let's talk, you know,
适可而止 enough is enough.
- 你想要什么？ - 就是要个道歉 - What's it gonna take? - It's just an apology.
- 就这？你就关店吗？ - 我关店 - And that's it? You shut down? - I shut down.
嘿 理查德 戏排的怎么样了？ Hey, Richard. How's the play rehearsal going?
你有很认真地对待这个角色吗？ Are you taking the role very seriously
对你来说是全世界吗？ where it means the world to you?
这是在我五十年的演艺生涯里… It's the most important thing I've done in my...
对我最重要的事 in 50 years in show business.
我们能不能…我得先把那个角色从我脑内剔出去 Why don't we... I gotta get out of my actor's head.
我都无时无刻不活在那个角色里了 I live and breathe this guy 24/7.
我们能不能聊聊即将到来的 Why, why don't we talk about our golf trip
- 高尔夫之旅啊？ - 高尔夫之旅 对啊！ - that's coming up? - The golf trip. Yes!
- 是啊 是啊 - 好的 听着哥们儿… ‐Yes, yes. ‐All right. Listen. Fellas...
我非常非常非常抱歉 I am terribly, terribly sorry.
呃 我去不了了 Um, I can't go.
你不去了？开玩笑呢！ You can't go? You're kidding!
- 这局可是你攒的 - 我知道 - You kicked off the whole thing. - I know I did.
我原以为苏西会出城 I thought Susie was gonna leave town.
她决定呆在家里了 She has decided to stay home.
咋...咋回事儿啊？ Wh... What happened?
我在送机的时候喜形于色了 I was too happy at the airport drop‐off.
哦我的天 真的吗？ Oh, my God. Are you serious?
我 又蹦又跳的 我… I was, uh, bouncy. I was dancing. I...
不 不 不 你在送机的时候得掩饰自己啊 No, no, no. You gotta contain yourself at the drop‐off.
你可不得开心嘛 每个丈夫都激动… Of course you're happy. Every husband is thrilled...
- 我掩饰不住我自己 - … 送老婆到机场的时候 - I couldn't contain myself. - ...to drop their wife off at the airport.
但是你得掩饰 你在回家的路上 But you gotta contain it, and you celebrate in the car
- 再庆祝啊！- 那可是苏西 我掩不下去！ ‐on the way home! ‐It's Susie. I couldn't contain it!
那你咋办？哈？搞砸了吧 What are you gonna do? Huh? He fucked up.
我搞砸了 真对不起 砸了 I fucked up. I'm so sorry. Fucked up.
太可惜了 但我能理解 That's a shame, but I understand.
那我们去吧 就我们三个 圆石滩之旅 Maybe we'll go, the three of us, huh? Pebble Beach.
好 Yeah.
嘿 大伙 近来可好？ Hey, guys. How's it going?
你咋来了？我以为你在楼上工作 What are you doing? I thought you worked upstairs.
通常我在上面的 但是因为空调的问题 I usually do, but with the AC thing,
- 把我调下来了 - 啥？ - they moved me down here. - What?
您的餐 And here you are.
甜菜沙拉 Beet salad.
很抱歉这么热 Sorry about the heat.
他们在修了 但这真是热气腾腾的 不是吗？ They're fixing it, but it's a steamy one, right?
对 您的汤 Okay. A soup for you.
您的沙拉 And the salad is for you.
少点儿调料 我可没忘 Light on the dressing. I did not forget.
汤…哦我的天哪 Soup... Oh, my goodness.
等下 您点炸面包丁了吗？ Hold on. Did you ask for croutons?
我记得我问过您来着 I, I thought I remember I asked you.
点了没点？ You did or didn't?
但这是您想要的汤 对吧？ But this is the soup you wanted, right?
好的 各位还需要面包吗？ Okay, do you guys want some bread?
- 或是 我… - 不要了 - Or, I, I feel like... - No.
需要什么再叫我 好吗？ Let me know if you need anything, okay?
- 真热啊 - 很抱歉这么热 各位 - It's hot. - Sorry about the heat down here, guys.
- 好 我们挺好的 你去吧 我们挺好的 - 没问题？ - Yeah, we're good. Go. Yeah, we're good. - You're good?
- 我觉得是不是得… - 不 不 都挺好 ‐I feel like something's... ‐No, no. Everything's good.
- 行吧 那我走了 - 去吧 - All right. I'll go. - Okay.
- 拜拜 - 这桌儿真有意思 - Bye‐bye. - This is a fun table.
- 对啊 - 哦 谢谢 谢谢 我们挺好的 ‐Yeah. ‐Oh, thanks. Yeah, thanks. We're fine.
好的 我一会儿再回来看看 All right. I'll come back and check in.
哦好的 等不及了呢 Oh, great. Can't wait.
- 呃 那是"腹泻" - 我大概猜到了 - Uh, that's "Diarrhea." - I put it together.
能列入我这辈子我见过最恶心的五件事儿了 Top five most revolting thing I've ever seen in my entire life.
哈 高桥先生！ Ah, Mr. Takahashi!
你 拉起来 You. Zip it.
- 好的 - 全拉上 - Yeah. - All the way.
你要再不拉拉链 You unzip again,
- 两周 不许来打球 - 好的 - two weeks, no golf. - Okay.
顺便提一下 您打的怎么样了 高先生？ By the way, how are you hittin' 'em, Mr. T?
不关你事 Not your concern.
- 喔 - 先生们 - Ah. - Gentlemen,
我注意到你们没有进食 I see you're not eating your food.
- 没有 - 有什么问题吗？ - No. - Is there a problem?
- 啊 喔 - 没有 - Ah. Ah. - No.
- 吃的不错 - 如果不是食物… - Food's good. - If not food...
- 不 - … 那就是服务员 - No. - ...must be waitress.
不 No.
- 戴安 - 不是 不是 不是 - Diane. - No, no, no.
还有她的腹泻 And her diarrhea.
不 不 不 不！ No, no, no, no!
你怎么知道是腹泻？ How do you even know about any diarrhea?
人人都知道是腹泻 Everyone knows about diarrhea.
那不是腹泻 It wasn't the diarrhea.
如果不是腹泻 那是什么？ If it's not diarrhea, what is it?
- 我… - 我也不知道那叫什么 - I... - I don't know what it would be called.
俱乐部三明治还有您的汤 Club sandwich and your soup.
行吧 您需要什么就告诉我 好吗？ All right, you guys let me know if you need anything else, okay?
噢 天 Oh, boy.
戴安！ Diane!
看不下去了 No one wants this.
嘿 Hey.
你好 Hi.
我看到高桥先生冲你发火了 I saw Takahashi yelling at you.
别太往心里去 他对所有人都那样 Don't take that personally. He yells at everybody.
哎 他把我开除了 我... Well, he fired me, so...
噢 天啊 Oh, my God.
- 他开除了你？ - 嗯 对 - He fired you? - Well, yeah.
那你要怎么办？就在这 等着... So what do you do? You just, waiting...
你要搭公交吗？ You're taking a bus?
对 Yeah.
- 你没有辆车吗？ - 没有 - You don't have a car? - No.
车都太贵了 Cars are expensive.
- 你要去哪？ - 回家 - Where are you going? - Going home.
行吧 上来 我送你回家 All right, come on. I'll take you.
- 我很感激你能送我回家 - 哎 小事 - Well, I appreciate you driving me home. - Ah, of course.
事情搞成这样我很遗憾 我是说... Sorry about the whole incident. I mean...
- 开除 被开除了我怎么办呢 - 我 嗯 我不...我不... ‐Firing. I can't be fired. ‐I, yeah, I, I didn't... I didn't...
不是故意让你被开除的 certainly mean to get you fired.
- 你本可以把汤喝了就好 - 你说真的吗？ - You could have just eaten the soup. - Really?
在你的汗滴在汤里之后？是自己的汗我都不会喝 With your sweat in the soup? I won't even eat my own sweat.
知道吗？一滴汗就像钚一样 Huh? One drop of sweat is like plutonium.
如果是我把汗滴在你的汤里你会喝吗？ You would eat my sweat if I dripped sweat in your soup?
我不知道 但出于礼貌 应该 不清楚 I don't know, but to be polite, it's like, I don't know.
你会出于礼貌喝自己的汗吗？ You'd eat your sweat to be polite?
如果我有个女朋友... If I had a girlfriend...
我的妻子 前妻 如果她来 My wife, my ex-wife, if she came
端给我一碗汤然后汗滴在里面 and served me some soup and sweated in the soup,
我是不会...我不会喝那碗汤的 I'm not, I'm not gonna eat the soup.
或许这就是你没有女朋友或妻子的原因 Maybe that's why you don't have a girlfriend or a wife.
噢 是吗？你觉得大部分在亲密关系中的人 Oh, really? You think the majority of people who are in relationships
会喝有汗的汤吗？ wanna eat sweat soup?
如果你的女朋友不小心 If your girlfriend accidentally
把汗滴在汤里 sweat in your soup,
那不喝会是种侮辱 it would be insulting to not eat it.
我完全不能接受这个 That would be a deal breaker for me.
你不能把汗滴在食物里 这样... You can't sweat in food. It's just...
这... It's like...
这是服务员的基本准则 It's on the list of rules for a waitress.
- 行 好吧 - "别把汗滴在食物里" - Yeah. Okay. - "Don't sweat in food."
或许这也不是什么坏事呢 Maybe it's a blessing in disguise.
我不确定你真的适合做个服务员 I'm not sure you're really cut out for waitressing.
会这样流汗 又有腹泻这回事... Between the sweat and then that whole diarrhea incident...
我只是想好好做个服务员 Okay, I'm just trying to be a waitress,
我又来为你们服务... and I wait on you again...
注意点 混球！ Come on, asshole!
你们一直是我服务的 I wait on you guys all the time.
我觉得你们能理解我 I just figured you would get it.
不 没人会理解你的 没人会的 No, no one, no one gets it. No one's gonna get that.
没人会不在意腹泻的 戴安！ No one's down with diarrhea, Diane!
好吧 现在我知道了 现在我... Okay. Well, now I know. And now I...
我赔上了我的工作 现在我...我明白了 It cost me my job, so now I'm... I've learned.
那你现在要做什么？ So what are you gonna do now?
- 我不知道 我原来是做零售的 所以... - 嗯 - I don't know. I used to do retail, so... - Yeah.
我猜我不会去做那个了 I guess maybe I won't do that.
嘿 你...你知道吗？ Hey, you... You know what?
我新开了一家咖啡店 I just opened up a coffee shop.
我店里确实需要人做事 I could actually use somebody in, in the store.
- 如果你...如果你感兴趣 - 真的吗？ - If you're... If you're interested. - Really?
我当然...嗯 我很有兴趣 I would, of... Yeah. I would, I would be interested.
- 当然了 - 你愿意吗？ - Of course. - You would?
- 你们有空调吧？ - 有 - You have AC? - Yeah.
- 太棒了 - 很棒 - Great. - Fantastic.
有时事情的发展 It's just amazing to me
- 真的很让我惊讶 你懂吗？ - 是啊 - how things work out sometimes, you know? - Yeah.
嘿 我问你个问题 Hey, let me ask you this question.
你喜欢甘草糖吗？ Do you like licorice?
有时候我喜欢黑色的 Sometimes I like a black,
之后我又连着几周只想吃红色的 and then I'll go weeks with only wanting red.
- 嗯 - 然后我又换回黑色的 - Yeah. - And then I switch back to black.
- 大卫先生 真让人吃惊啊 - 噢！ - Mr. David. What a surprise. - Oh!
- 你好！ - 今天又是什么问题？ - Hello! - What's the problem today?
- 啊 呃... - 我猜猜 - Well, uh... - Let me guess.
又有种莫名的气味？ Another mysterious odor?
还是有像蛇一样的声音？ Possibly a sound like a snake?
- 不 - 不是吗？ - No. - No?
- 不 实际上... - 怎么？ - No. Actually... - Yes?
来买辆新车 Looking for a new car.
- 真的吗？ - 对 真的 - Really? - Yeah, really.
我朋友戴安来帮我选车 And my friend Diane is gonna help me pick one out.
她很了解车 She knows all about cars.
她订了《汽车族》杂志 She gets Motor Trend magazine.
- 她会读那些 - 确实 - She reads all that stuff. - I do.
我知道所有的牌子 I know all the brands.
由于你刚刚说的那些问题 And I'm so dissatisfied with my car
- 我对我的车很不满意 - 是吗 - because of everything that you just alluded to. - Uh‐huh.
- 那你想买辆新车？ - 是的 - So you want a new car? - Yeah.
这样的话 你们可以往那边 Well, why don't you head on over there
有车的地方走 where the cars are.
你猜怎么？我知道车在哪 You know what? I know where the cars are.
那我们一起过去吧？ Well, shall we go over there?
好 好 我们会去那边的 Yeah, yeah. We're gonna go over there.
很好 我们走 Great. Let's go.
噢 你一定得吃一条这个 Oh, you gotta get a piece of this.
噢 这太好吃了 一定得来一条 Oh, this is tremendous. You gotta get a piece of this.
- 好的 哇 - 嗯 吃吧 - Okay. Wow. - Yeah. Yeah.
- 这是什么？ - 这是甘草糖 - What is this even? - It's licorice.
- 噢 很好 - 嗯 - Oh. Cool. - Yeah.
我们不如现在去看车吧？ Why don't we shop for a new car now?
你猜怎么？我正要这么做呢 You know what? That's exactly what I'm gonna do.
- 这看起来...嗯 嗯 - 是吧？噢 对 对 很棒 ‐This looks... yeah, yeah. ‐Right? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Wonderful.
- 那个看起来不错 - 很好看 很好看 ‐That looks good. ‐That's wonderful. That's wonderful.
- 这辆不错 - 看那边 - That's a good one. - Look at that.
- 怎么样？那辆如何？ - 不错 轮毂很好看 - Huh? How about that one? - Yeah. Beautiful rims.
- 嗯 - 这太好吃了 - Yeah. - This is so good.
是吧 和你说了 Yeah. Told you.
我觉得是德国产的 I think it's from Germany.
我想吃条红色的 I want to get a red one.
- 好 我们走 - 好 - Well, let's go. Yeah. - Yeah.
听着 你骗不了我 大卫先生 Look, you don't fool me, Mr. David.
- 你来这不是来买车的 - 是你搞错了 好吗？ - You're not here to buy a car. - Well, you are mistaken, okay?
我来这是来买车的 I am here to buy a new car.
- 我来不是买车的吗 - 当然是了 你在...说什么？ - Am I not buying a car? - Yeah, what is... What?
我一点都不相信你 I don't believe you for a second.
- 噢 你不相信吗？ - 没错 - Oh, you don't? - That is correct.
- 我要买辆车！ - 噢 真的吗？你要买辆车？ ‐I'm buying a car! ‐Oh, really? You're buying a car?
- 没错 我要买 - 哪辆？ - Uh, yes, I am. - Which one?
- 哪辆？ - 对 哪辆？ - Which one? - Yeah, which one?
- 哪辆？ - 那辆！ - Which one? - That one!
对 就那辆！ Yeah. That one!
你要买那辆车 You're buying that one.
对 我就要买那辆车 Yeah, I'm buying that one.
- 那辆I8 - 没错 - The I-8. - Yeah.
- 没错 - 那是辆顶级车 - Yeah. - That's a top‐of‐the‐line car.
所以我才买它 That's why I'm buying it.
你可以现在就把它开走 You can drive that off the lot right now.
好 我会开走的 Okay. I will.
把手续办了 Get the paperwork.
给我全准备好 I want it fully loaded.
- 很棒的选择 - 好 - Great choice. - Good.
- 我不是来买车的 是吧？ - 拉里 - I'm not gettin' a new car, huh? - Larry,
他相信了！他真的以为你要买辆新车！ he bought it! He totally thinks you're buying a new car!
我是要买辆新车！ I am buying a new car!
- 真的吗？ - 他以为自己是谁？他没资格对我那么讲话！ ‐Really? ‐Who does he think he is? He can't talk to me like that!
- 祝贺你 - 谢谢 - Congratulations. - Thank you.
- 不用谢 - 嗯 好 - You are quite welcome. - Yeah, okay.
你以为我只是在展厅里转转 So you thought I was just walking around the showroom,
你懂的 吃点甘草糖 you know, eating licorice.
- 是吧？没错吧？ - 你真是说到做到 现在这里 ‐ Right? Huh? ‐ You stepped up to the plate. Now you got
- 这么漂亮的车属于你了 - 好 - a beautiful piece of machinery right here. - Yeah.
- 我还有东西要给你 等等 - 好 - I got something else for you. Hold on. - Yeah.
噢天啊 Oh, my God.
- 看看这！甘草糖！ - 哇 - Look at this! Licorice! - Wow.
- 这确实很棒 - 哇 - That's a nice touch. - Wow.
好了 你好好享受吧 别告诉别人 All right, you enjoy that. Don't tell anybody else.
- 我们不想随便给别人这个 - 别担心 - We don't like to give it out to just anybody. - Don't worry.
- 祝贺你了 - 好 谢谢你 - Congratulations. Yeah. - All right. Thank you.
- 注意安全 - 好的 - Drive safe. - Okay.
- 嘿 瞧瞧这 是吧？ - 哇 - Hey, look at this, huh? - Wow.
- 谢谢你 - 嗯 - Thank you. - Yeah.
看看我买了什么 啊？ Look what I got. Huh?
这还是我吗？开这车？我是说 你看看 Is this even me? This car? I mean, look at it.
在俱乐部的很多浑蛋都开这车 A lot of the douchebags at the club have it.
无意冒犯 但这辆车确实在俱乐部很流行 No offense. But this is a popular car at the club.
哦 现在我有买了辆车 我有两辆车了 Oh. Now I got the other car. I got two cars.
你最大的问题竟是这个 你有两辆车 我是说... That's your biggest problem. You got two cars. I mean...
我连一辆车都没有 我都不知道 I don't even have one car. I don't even know
去新工作上班要搭哪路公交 what bus I'm gonna take to my new job.
好 Okay.
怎么？ What?
不会吧 No.
嗯 去吧 Yeah. Go ahead.
- 把车开走 - 你开玩笑吗？ - Take the car. - Are you kidding?
收下吧！把车开走 Take it! Take the car.
拉里 这实在... Larry, this is n...
- 啊？收下吧 - 我就这么开走吗？ - Huh? Yeah. - I'm just gonna take it?
这样丢了工作也值了 你开玩笑吗？ This is worth getting fired over. Are you kidding me?
这一天太神奇了 谢谢你 This is an incredible day. Thank you.
我们在工作的地方见 I will see you at work.
- 我送了你一辆车！ - 你刚送了我一辆车！ - I gave you a car! - You just gave me a car!
我送了你一辆车！我出什么毛病了？ I gave you a car! What's wrong with me?
我脑子一片空白 呃 我怎么从这里上公路？ I don't think anything. Uh, how do I get to the freeway from here?
前边右转 再右转 Take a right, then another right,
然后直走过红绿灯 第二个路口左转 then go through the light, and second left.
走啊 Go.
你干嘛呢？ 走啊 What are you doing? Come on.
- 啊！ - 搞什么？ - Aah! - What the fuck?
拉里？ Larry?
你开什么玩笑？ Are you kidding?
- 你突然冒出来了 - 我从... - You came out of nowhere. - I came out of...
- 你刚才在看手机！- 拉里 - You were on your cell phone! - Larry,
是你突然冲过来 you just went right through.
我知道到底怎么回事 我都看见了 I know exactly what happened. I saw it.
我看到你在发消息 I looked at you, you were texting.
有人冲你按喇叭 你就慌了 Somebody beeped you, you had beep panic,
你把手机一丢 you threw the phone away.
瞧 你手机就在前排座位上 Look, there's your phone right in the front seat.
是你扔下来的 你居然还在玩缤纷糖果乐！ You threw it down. And you were playing Candy Crush!
我自己也干过这事 前几天我也被喇叭声吓到了 I've done it myself. I just had beep panic the other day.
好吧 是后面的人按喇叭吓到我了 Fine. They scared me, behind me.
- 然后我就发动了 往前走了！ - 当然 我知道 - And I went. And I went! - Of course. I know.
- 好吧 那好吧 - 我明白是怎么回事 没事的 - Okay. So okay. - I know how it works, so okay.
所以我们都干过这事 我知道 我了解 So we've both done it. I see it. I get it.
好吧 我想 嗯 All right. I guess that, um,
我是说 我们应该交换信息 I mean, we should exchange information.
- 你在说什么呢？ - 嗯... - What are you talking about? - Well...
两辆车都是我的信息啊 It's all my information.
不管怎么说 你瞧 Anyway, look at this.
这辆车一点事也没有 Nothing's wrong with this car.
保险杠撞凹了一点 但... There's a little dent in the bumper, but...
这就惨了 This is bad.
哦 我的天 Oh, my God.
行吧 这么着 我来打给 那个 Okay, you know what? I'm gonna call the, uh,
拖车公司 tow company.
把这辆新车拖走 然后 I'll get the new one towed, and, and then I'll...
你知道 我送你回家 I'll, you know, I'll take you home.
你的车被拖走了 Your cars is the one that's being towed.
- 你要怎么送我回家？ - 我开我这辆车送你回家 - How are you gonna drive me home? - I'll drive you home in my car.
这是我的车 This is my car.
什么呀 你在... Come on. What do you...
- 这是我的... 你刚把车送给了我 - 你说这是你的车是什么意思？ - This is my... You just gave me this car. - What do you mean it's your car?
是的 我出于好意把车给了你 Yes, I gave it to you with very good intentions,
直到你撞烂了我的车！ until you wrecked my car!
- 你送给我了 就是我的车了 - 你是认真的吗？ - You gave me the car, so it's my car. - Are you serious?
- 你是认真的吗？ - 什么？ - Are you serious? - What?
你就把车送人然后又收回来？ You just give away cars and take 'em back?
奥普拉才不会到处送车然后又收回来呢 Oprah doesn't just give out cars and then take them back.
你觉得这样公平吗 我送了你一辆车 Does that seem fair to you that I gave you a car,
你撞了我的新车 现在我没有车了？ you hit my new car, and now I don't have a car?
- 你觉得公平吗？ - 我 我不知道 什么是公平？ ‐That seems fair? ‐I, I don't know. What is fair?
- 不 - 公平的做法应该是物归原主 - No. - What's fair is for things to go back to the way,
回到15分钟以前它的主人手里 the way they were 15 minutes ago...
- 可是 15分钟以前我没有车 现在我有了 - ...回到我手里 - Well, I didn't have a car 15 minutes ago and now I do. - ...when I had a car.
嗯 我很乐意载你回家 Well, I would love to give you a ride home.
我很乐意载你回家 I would love to give you a ride home.
你没车要怎么载我回家呢 拉里？ Well, how are you gonna do that without a car, Larry?
请你载我回家吧 Please take me home.
- 好的 - 谢谢 - Okay. - Thank you.
- 难以置信 现在我得买辆新车了 - 是吧 - It's unbelievable. Now I gotta get a new car. - Uh‐huh.
我得把新的那辆处理了 I'm gonna get rid of that new one,
然后买辆和我原来那辆一样的 and I'm gonna buy the same car I had before.
你为啥不直接开你原来那辆呢？ Why don't you just drive your old car?
我送人了 I gave it away.
你要给别人说这个故事的时候 When you tell a motherfucker that story,
你应该说 "您瞧好了" you should say, "Lo and behold."
别人对我说"您瞧好了" 的时候 When a motherfucker says, "Lo and behold,"
- 我立刻就感兴趣了 - 噢 你这观察得挺准 - it makes me fuckin' react. - Oh, that is such a good observation.
- "您瞧好了..." - 没错 您瞧好了 - "Lo and behold..." - Yeah. Lo and behold,
我得重新买 买我的旧车 I gotta buy my, my old car new.
现在这个故事听起来就没这么扯了 Now the story don't sound so far‐fetched and shit.
嘿 你吃了几条甘草糖？ Hey, how many pieces of licorice have you had?
大概八条吧 Maybe about eight.
我一根红色的都没见你吃 I haven't seen you take one piece of red licorice yet.
- 你只吃黑的？ -当然了 - Only black for you? - Fuck, yeah.
什么都是黑的 是不是？ Everything's black, isn't it? Right?
一个人就不能支持黑色吗？ Something wrong with a person supporting black and shit?
黑色甘草糖 黑色糖豆 Black licorice, black jelly beans,
眼前一黑 fuckin' blackouts,
烧焦的吐司 我才不在乎呢 我就吃烧焦的吐司 burnt toast. I don't give a fuck, I eat burnt toast.
哦 所以你一定喜欢裸麦黑面包 Oh, so you must love pumpernickel.
哦 那必须啊 我用烧焦吐司 Oh, fuck yeah. I take that piece of burnt‐ass toast,
夹在两片黑面包中间 put it between two pieces of fuckin' pumpernickel,
然后吃他妈的烧焦黑麦三明治 have a burnt‐toast pumpernickel sandwich.
- 你懂吗？ - 嗯 我懂了 - You feel me? - Oh, I feel you.
嘿 你什么时候去那个高尔夫之旅 Hey, when are you going on that golf trip?
你知道 我想了想 You know, I've been thinking about it.
杰夫不去 那我也不去了 Jeff's not going. I'm not gonna go.
- 哦 - 太荒唐了 - Oh. - It's ridiculous.
那个浑蛋是我们的粘合剂 That big motherfucker's the glue.
对啊 他是粘合剂 Yeah, he's the glue.
老天啊 Mm. Jesus.
天啊 我的肚子很不舒服 Boy, my stomach's really bothering me.
哦 嘿 是摩卡乔 Oh. Hey. That's Mocha Joe.
他想和我谈谈 所以 帮我个忙 He wants to talk to me. So, um, do me a favor.
- 多盯着他点儿 我不相信这家伙 - 行 - Keep an eye on him. I don't trust this guy. - Yeah.
- 可以吗 - 你说的没错 - All right? - You're right.
我也不相信他 I don't trust him, either.
所以 摩卡乔 So, Mocha Joe,
我们能帮你做什么？ what can we do for you?
他非得在这儿吗？ Does he have to be here?
- 我本来希望我们能单独谈谈的 - 是啊 - I was hoping we could talk alone. - Yeah, well,
他是生意伙伴 he's a business associate.
我们封他为咖啡豆特师 We actually refer to him as the bean‐meister.
- 他总是盯着我 - 不用担心 - He's always staring at me. - I wouldn't worry about it.
- 他就待在这 - 好吧 瞧 你知道 ‐He stays. ‐All right, look. You know,
我一直在想我们之间的事情 I've been thinking about this, what's going on between us,
我只是想... and I just wanna...
我想说 我觉得我们应该... say that, uh, I think we need to...
是时候我们... It's time that we, uh...
啊！ Aah!
怎么了？ Something wrong?
你还好吗？ 你瞧着不对劲 You okay? You don't look good.
啊 稍等我片刻 Aah, just excuse me just for a second.
啊！ Aah!
噢！ Oh!
你不去看看他吗？ You think maybe you should check on him?
他没事 He's good.
你还好吗？ You okay?
我很好 I'm fine.
你看起来不太好 You don't look too good.
- 不好意思... - 没事 - If you will excuse me... - Sure thing.
噢 Ooh.
他人呢？ Where is he?
我不知道 I don't know.
摩卡乔！ Mocha Joe!
你应该看住他的！ You were supposed to watch him!
我的肚子里都他妈冒泡了 My belly started to fuckin' bubble.
我控制不住！ I couldn't control myself!
等我从厕所出来... I come out of the bathroom...
他就不在那儿了 ...he's not there.
不在了 Not there.
他那是谈判手段 He's just negotiating.
那叫谈判？那算哪门子谈判？ That's negotiating? On what planet is that negotiating?
我让我手下卖床垫的人也这么干过 他们在弄床垫的棉花 I do it with my mattress guys. I have 'em out there pounding cotton.
然后家人出的价格他们不满意 And, uh, family throws out a quote they don't like,
我让他们直接离开了 I tell 'em to just get out of there, walk away.
摩卡乔不是在谈判 Mocha Joe's not negotiating.
那家伙绝对是有什么坏主意 That sucker's got something up his sleeve.
现在 我们聊点激动人心的事情吧 Now, let's talk about something that we're all excited about...
一个神奇的小地方 圆石滩 a little magical place called Pebble Beach.
对了 我不去高尔夫之旅了 By the way, I, I'm not gonna go on the golf trip.
- 为什么？ - 我不想和三个人一起去 - Why not? - I don't wanna go with three guys.
行吧 你不想三个人 我们再找第四个 All right, you don't wanna do three, we'll find a fourth.
你知道吗 不是这样的 Okay, you know what? It, it's not even that.
杰夫不去我就不想去了 I, I don't wanna do it without Jeff.
杰夫是我们的粘合剂 承认吧 Jeff was the glue, anyway. Let's face it.
- 他不在就成不了 - 这倒是 - His absence will be felt. - That's true.
我其实也没那么想去了 I wasn't that thrilled about going, either,
- 没有杰夫 可能这样才是最好的 - 瞧见没？ - without Jeff. Maybe it's best for me. - See?
我的戏马上要上演了 我得练习我的台词 I do have the play coming up and I gotta study my lines.
我们能不能请你给我们... Can we prevail upon you to give us a...
提前来一小段？ a little snippet?
- 这个角色？ - 是啊 - The role? - Yeah.
我很想看看是怎么演的 I'd love to see the process.
弗莱迪想看 Freddy wants to see it.
啊 这可有点不公平 我是说 你看 Aah, that's a little unfair. I mean, look,
- 这里都是人... - 那又怎么样 ‐the people are around here... ‐Yeah, so what?
- 来吧 查理 - 不要 不 - Come on, Charlie. - Nah, no.
哟呼 查理！查理 你在吗？ Yoo‐hoo, Charlie! Charlie, are you in there?
查理! 查...查理！ Charlie! Char... Charlie!
我打算去接受手术 知道为什么吗？ I'm gonna get that operation. You know why?
因为我很聪明 我比那只该死的老鼠聪明 'Cause I'm smart. I'm smarter than that mouse, that stupid mouse.
- 对不起 对不起 - 你笑什么？ - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Why are you laughing?
天啊 我是在赞美你 你有种浑然天成的演技 Jeez, a compliment. You have a natural touch.
- 这是第一反应 但是真的很不错 - 是啊 - It was the initial response. But it's very good. - Yeah.
- 非常好笑 -这不好笑 我是...这应该是戏剧性的 ‐It was hilarious. ‐It's not hilarious. I'm a... It's dramatic.
很打动人 It was very moving, then.
哇哦 Wow.
- 谁能想到啊 - 瞧瞧谁来了 - What do you know? - Look who's here.
- 来吃午饭的 - 对 - Coming for a little lunch? - Yeah.
这是怎么回事 What the hell is this?
哦 这是我的代用车 Oh, this is my loaner car.
- 但这是白色的 - 那又怎样 - Yeah, but it's white. - So what?
车什么颜色对我来说没差 The color of a car doesn't really matter to me,
因为我坐在车里的时候又看不见 because I don't really see it when I'm inside the car.
这就好像看你自己的脸 It's like being inside your face.
我不知道我的脸长什么样 I don't know what my face looks like.
谁会忘了自己的脸啊 Who forgets their face?
我在个小胶囊里 我不知道 I'm in a capsule. I don't know.
所有的感觉都是从里向外 Everything's coming from inside the capsule.
所以车的外表对我来说是个谜 So the outside of the car is a mystery to me.
我他妈一个字都不信 I don't believe you for a fucking second.
而且我认为你对白色的车有什么情结 And I think you're obsessed with the white car,
- 你自己也觉得很丢脸 - 嘿 顺便一说 - and you're embarrassed by it. - Hey, by the way,
我们的圆石滩高尔夫之旅 our little golf trip to Pebble Beach...
- 怎么？ - 被取消了 - Yeah? - ...has been canceled.
那是好可惜咯 Boo-fucking-hoo.
啊 没办法 你看 我有个东西给你 Yeah, anyway, you know, I have something for you here
- 你可能会喜欢的 - 真的 - you might enjoy. Yeah. - Really?
- 拿着 - 这是什么 - Here you go. - What is this?
不过是世界上最好吃的甘草糖罢了 It's only the best licorice in the world.
巴伐利亚州来的 独一无二的口感 It comes from Bavaria. You'll never taste anything like it.
打开电视 把它放茶几上 Turn the TV on, put that in front of you,
然后你就能开始享受了 and, and you will enjoy yourself.
- 好吧 那谢了 拉里 我很感激 - 好的 没事 小意思 - All right, well, thank you, Lar. I appreciate it. - All right. Okay. Sure.
祝你在白车里一天愉快 Have a nice day in your white car.
顺便一说 我看不到发动机盖 By the way, I don't see the hood.
- 顺便一说 我才不相信你 - 哈 - By the way, I don't believe you. - Yeah.
- 拜 拉里 - 拜 - Bye, Lar. - Bye.
- 谢谢 - 客气 - Thank you. - Sure.
我要拿这玩意做什么 What the fuck am I gonna do with this?
我讨厌甘草糖 太恶心了 I hate licorice. It's disgusting.
凯蒂的卡布奇诺 凯蒂的卡布奇诺 Cappuccino for Katie! Cappuccino for Katie!
凯蒂的卡布奇诺 Cappuccino for Katie.
好 咖啡和可颂 Okay, coffee and a croissant.
拉里 我们应该对自热杯收费的 Larry, we need to charge the self‐heating cups.
戴安在哪 她应该在这里了 Where's Diane? She's supposed to be here.
我不知道啊 I have no idea where she is!
哦天 她到底有什么问题 Oh, my God. What is wrong with her?
- 哦 嘿 拉里 - 你在哪 - Oh, hey, Larry. - Where are you?
哦 哦天啊 我完全忘了 Oh! Oh, my goodness. I totally forgot.
我真抱歉 我打算给你打电话的 I'm so sorry. I was gonna call you.
我实际上不打算再过来了 I'm actually not gonna come in anymore.
- 啥 你在说什么呢 - 我想去旅个行 - What? What are you talking about? - I just wanna travel
趁我找到下一份工作前还有空的时候 while I have the chance before I get another job.
- 你有工作 - 我在想 - You have a job! - I'm thinking of
是去欧洲还是泰国 going to Europe or maybe Thailand.
欧洲？你不能去欧洲 你没钱 Europe? You can't go to Europe! You don't have any money.
这个 事实上 我卖掉了我的车 Well, actually, I sold my car.
哦天啊 你卖掉了我的车？ Oh, my God. You sold my car?
- 开玩笑的吗 - 怎么说 它实际上是我的车 - Are you kidding? - Well, it was actually my car,
我把它挂淘宝卖了 我原来都不知道还能卖这个 and I sold it on eBay, which I didn't know you could even do.
- 什么鬼 - 这车的里程数很低 - What the fuck? - It was pretty low mileage.
- 所以我卖了不少钱 - 我给你这车是让你有驾驶工具 - So I got a lot for it. - I gave it to you so you'd have something to drive.
因为我人很好 'Cause I was a nice guy.
我不需要驾驶了 Well, I don't need to drive anymore,
因为我要去旅行了 'cause I'm going on this trip.
呃啊！ Aah!
嘿 我们没纸巾了 Hey, uh, we're out of napkins.
库存在后面 They're in the back.
下一位 Next?
你好 下一位 Hello? Next!
先生 Sir?
- 喂 - 哦 - Hey! - Oh.
对不起 I'm sorry.
- 哦草 - 对不起 对不起 - Oh, fuck! - I'm sorry. I am sorry.
- 嗷 啊 - 我真的很抱歉 - Aah! Aah. - I'm so, so sorry.
你走路的时候不看的吗 Weren't you looking where you're going?
你突然冒出来了 你没事吧 You just came out of nowhere. You all right?
- 不 不 我有事 - 我很抱歉 - No. No, I'm not. - I apologize.
哦 好吧 那是你的手机吗 Oh, okay. Is that your phone?
我明白了 你在看手机 I see what happened. You were on your cell phone,
然后有人大喊"下一位" 吓到你了 对吧 and somebody yelled, "Next," and you panicked, right?
对 我刚才"下一位恐慌"了 好吗 Yes. I had "next panic," okay?
哦 好疼 哈 Ow. Jeez. Aah.
我可能再也不能正常走路了 I may never walk normal again.
你知道 不是在戳你痛处 You know, nothing personal.
你是拉里大卫吗 Are you Larry David?
啥 我是 What? Yeah?
大卫先生 这个你眼熟吗 Mr. David, does look familiar?
什么 这是个评委碟 What? It's a screener.
这些评委碟视频上有你的数字签名 These screeners are digitally marked with your name,
这些是它的拷贝版 在城里流的到处都是了 and there are copies of these appearing all over town.
不可能 不可能 Impossible! Impossible.
我 我没有给过任何人 I, I didn't give them to, to anyone!
- 我们有些问题想问你 先生 - 什么 - We got some questions for you, sir. - What?
问题？哪种... Questions? What kind of...
这太荒谬了 This is ridiculous!
嘿 我的天 你在干什么 Hey, my goodness. What are you doing?
你知道 你对待我好像我是个什么战犯 老天有眼 You know, you're treating me like a war criminal, for God's sake.
就是他 That's him.
是他干的 他偷了我的评委碟 He did it. He took my screeners.
- 从我家里拿走的 - 这个人 - Took 'em from my house. - This guy.
对 就这个人 Yeah, this guy.
我吃了太多巴伐利亚的甘草糖 I had too much licorice from Bavaria,
结果拉肚子了 and it gave me diarrhea,
在我上厕所的时候 and when I was in the bathroom,
他拿了我的评委碟 he took the screeners!
甘草糖？巴伐利亚？ Licorice? Bavaria?
我祝你能找着你需要的那种帮助 I really hope you get the help you need.
- 就是那个人…他在我家里 - 上车 - That's the guy who... He was in my house! - In the car.
谢了朋友们 我真的很感激你们的工作 Thanks, guys. I really appreciate what you do.
再见 拉里 Bye, Larry.
别再让人来我店里拉屎了 Stop sending people over to shit in my store!
《献给阿尔吉侬的花束》 主演：理查德路易斯
疯了吧 就为了一个评委碟？ That's insanity. For a screener?
他们不能罚你这么多钱 They can't fine you that much.
他们就这么做了 Well, they did.
联邦调查局那些人就是为所欲为 The FBI, they can do whatever they want.
你还能怎么办 我没进监狱已经够走运了 What are you gonna do? I'm, I'm lucky I'm not in jail.
还有十分钟开场 Ten minutes. Ten minutes.
知道了 谢谢 All right, thanks.
- 演出顺利 理查德 台上见了 - 你也是 兄弟 - Have a good show, Richard, See you out there. - You, too, buddy.
演出顺利 我的妆怎么样 Break a leg. How does my makeup look?
呃 这头发怎么搞的 What's, uh, what's happening with the hair?
这是查理的头发 It's Charlie's hair.
查理看起来似乎花了很多时间 Charlie looks like he spends a lot of time
搞非法赌博啊 at off‐track betting.
在我上台前五分钟说这个 还真是让我安心 Well, that's reassuring five minutes before I go on.
你凭啥这么说 你就像在我受戒礼上 How dare you. You're like a rabbi
咄咄逼人的拉比 heckling me at my bar mitzvah.
这是什么 What is this?
- 这个 那个罐子 - 对 - This? That tin? - Yeah.
是甘草糖 苏西给我的 It's licorice. Susie gave it to me.
- 哦 是吗 - 这很好吃 - Oh. Did she? - It's delicious.
- 你整罐都吃完了 - 对 五个小时就吃完了 - You ate this whole thing? - Yeah, in about five hours.
我想给你留个的 不过我有点紧张 I'd give you one, but I'm a little anxious,
所以我今天把它们全吃了 so I ate all of 'em today.
我感觉有点甘草糖上瘾了 I think I'm a licorice addict now.
哦老天 Oh, my gosh.
怎么了 有什么不对吗 Why? What's wrong?
不 没事 Nah. Nothing.
- 谢谢你来看 - 当然 - Well, thanks for coming. - Yeah.
好 嗯 祝你演出顺利 Okay. Yeah. Break a leg.
嘿 也别难过 如果你想尝的话 你知道 这是德国甘草糖 Hey, don't be depressed. If you want some, you know, it's German licorice.
- 是最好的 - 嗯 我知道它从哪来的 - It's the best. All right. - Yeah, I know where it's from.
表演时间到 查理 It's showtime, Charlie.
阿尔吉农赢了 Algernon beat you.
你输了 查理 You lost, Charlie.
这是不是意味着我不能动手术了？ Does that mean that I won't get the operation?
因为我输了？ 'Cause I lost?
我可以做的更好的 I can do better than that.
我想动那个手术 我 我想变聪... I want that operation. I, I wanna be s‐s‐s...
聪明 smart.
我们得看看尼慕医生的意见 查理 We'll have to see what Professor Nemur says, Charlie.
我不怕动手术 I'm not afraid of the operation.
啊 哇哦 Aah. Whoa.
哦 Oh!
我 我什么都不怕 I, I ain't afraid of nothing.
因为我很厉害 Because I'm strong.
查理？ Charlie?
哦 Oh.
你感觉怎样 想说什么吗 Did you want to say something about being right?
查理 Charlie...
- 哇 - 理查德 - Whoa. - Richard...
啊！ Aah!
英语字幕来源：opensubtitles.org 字幕翻译与制作：610/小年糕/白羽黑鹭/Yiran/moki